It had always been a wonderful compliment to be personally invited to West Wales, by gold-embossed invitation, to give a classical choral operetta. It was nice to know that my fame as a classical singer, owning a 12 octave voice, had spread to all corners of the globe, even to the remote, insignificant outpost of Wales.
Arriving at the church in West Wales, I was astonished to see the place packed with parishioners - there were over 300 people packed into the pews. This lot seemed very conservative: sheep farmers, deeply religious ministers, elderly spinsters, the blue-rinse brigade, inscrutable bible-bashing families and a choir of hefty lesbians who performed an ear-splitting Lesbian Sung Eucharist in burly tones, and then jostled me for autographs and photos.
Things seemed to be progressing relatively well until I overheard one of them make a comment about my dress - "Looks like a Yank judging by the cheap dress".
There was nothing I could do with three hundred eyes on me but bite my tongue, so as I surveyed the congregation, with blood boiling, I decided to change the programme. And change it drastically. I was going to sing something a little less religious, something a little more novel and personal. No more wistful songs about lambs, sunshine, righteousness, or other biblical connotations. I couldn't get that accidentally overheard comment out of my head "Looks like a Yank judging by the cheap dress".
How dare a backwoods congegration consisting of 20% lesbians, 20% braindead, 20% sheep-shaggers and 20% psychotic in a Third World County such as Wales suggest I was a cheap American whore in a cheap dress.
It was time to show these small-towners what I was made of, to give them a performance they wouldn't forget in a hurry. Something that would be talked about for many years. Here's a live video of my actual performance in West Wales, filmed on the day, interspliced with earlier video format, entitled Fanny Love singing "My Heart Will Go On" (Alternative Version), as performed in person:
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