Thursday, 22 November 2012

Gingerbread cookies

Most of my kitchen staff are taking time off, so, unusually, I spent some time baking today, and came up with this delightful 'take' on gingerbread cookies. One of my hidden talents is intricate icing: the secret, really, is to add salad cream and fish paste to the icing agent to stop it running (my preferred brand of the latter is called Harold Shipman's Fish Paste).

Armed with my trusty piping bag, it took less than 20 minutes to ice these; although to bring out my true, artistic bent, I first wheeled in the gramophone player and put on some Beethoven, whilst necking straight from the bottle a generous glug of 120-year old sloe gin, a present sent down from Scotland by a Baroness.

I thought about taking these gingerbread cookies down to a Bible Reading being held at the church; I don't attend such events normally as I find the whole set-up prudish and the tone fanatical, but I'm sure the congregation would love a nibble!

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Keep Calm and Love Fanny!

This bespoke poster arrived from a hardcore fan.  I am so touched I've instructed my Public Relations team to reproduce this poster and have them put up on prominent billboards in both metropolitan and rural areas.  

Aren't they wonderful?  Look out for these discreet posters, appearing at many laybys, wooded areas and 'known haunts' up and down the country!