Thursday, 18 December 2014

How did I rid myself of Belladonna?

Revenge is a dish best served cold, some say.  In this little vignette of villainy, I prefer to serve it hot, which explains precisely why I purchased a first class Banana Airlines flight for Belladonna to travel from London to sunny Sydney, Australia.

  Banana Airlines, the Queen's favourite airline.  Flies daily to 19 different destinations via Lagos, Nigeria.

No, she's not joined the Australian Mile High Club, nor has Belladonna asked that her brain be donated to medical science to further research into the causes of hypo-manic schizophrenia, no.  She has instead been lured into thinking she's going on a well-deserved luxury 28-day holiday, staying in a room with an ocean view, with all the creature comforts.   Before she left, she packed a bikini the same size as the fabric of a hot air balloon.

Can you imagine Belladonna's shock when the sedative wore off and she awoke to find herself here?   A perspex tube full of stale seawater.  Well, it almost has an ocean view... and as for creature comforts...... well.... those critters can be friendly.   All I've got to say is 'farewell, Belladonna, enjoy Sydney!'.


  1. Is she the new attraction at Taronga zoo? It's a pity Steve Irwin never lived to see this, he could have made her docile by wrestling and thrashing her into submission, then she could be sold on to a petty zoo, I for one would love to feed her tidbits by hand, cattle prod in the other, just in case.

    1. Yes, Taronga Zoo, it is. I agree with you about the cattle prod. I wish I'd purchased one when I first hired Belladonna; I imagine that's why your Carmen is such a well-behaved young lady.

      You'll be pleased to know that Paul Hogan (he of Crocodile Dundee fame) has been approached and asked if he wants to make a new film, in which, instead of taming crocodiles, he rescues beached whales. When he was shown a photograph of the beached whale (Belladonna) he commented "Strewth, that makes Giant Haystacks look like an ant". I guess that's a 'no' then....